“I suppose I’ve always known that one day you were going to ask ‘how dare I?'”
—The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie
As is the custom here at aoifeschatology.com, I’d like to wish all of you a most Happy New Year, as well as a forthcoming 2016 that will be full of courage, love, and true friendship. This was, alas my first year without access to TVJapan, so I’m writing this personal note, rather than imbibing strong drink and singing along to Kōhaku.
But that’s a minor quibble: Happy New Year!
Unquestionably, 2015 was my year of independence, constituted upon two principles: individuality and motion. January was a long, sutured repose of healing after SRS. Shortly thereafter, typing stiltedly from my recovery bed, I resigned from my job at the university, ferociously disappointed at the botching of my own career and the aftermath of having relinquished a position that, although unsatisfying, had nonetheless been an invested source of too much of my identity. Fortuitously, however, I learned in Spring that my first book would be published, bringing to hardbacked completion what was a wearied abstraction. Then summer: a blur of nearsighted copyediting trying to clean a beast of prose into a polished maestro … or at least something presentable and pride-worthy. Came Autumn: I made the second most important move of my life, to San Francisco. All considered, the bucket-list boxes were checked with a bloodied thumb, battered but beatified. I’m happy.
Yet I end the year with a sickening note of disgust and regret:
My one-year long experiment in having a public twitter account has failed utterly, and I want nothing more to do with the broken groupings driven by motivic and rhythmic disregard for the lives of others. I am, in short, aghast at the disgraces I witnessed, was complicit in, and instigated, or remained reticent from. Through my fault, my most grievous fault. I hate twitter.
This will be a lengthy post, and quite rambling. But that’s typical for me, is it not? Nonetheless, if you are inclined, I urge you to read this entire post, as it represents a major break in my ever evolving ideas. I probably won’t edit this much: you’re getting pure stream of consciousness here, from a distraught heart.